|
by Karen Hood-Caddy
"I
don't believe human beings were meant to be be alone,” says Lianne
Tegobov, owner of Camelot, a Manitoba introduction service.
“That’s why I’m in this business. I get to see the sparkle come
back in people’s eyes once I’ve found them a mate:’
The old adage — love makes the world go round — may be
true, but how to find it? Most people over 50 have been out of the
dating scene for a while and find the idea of trying to find a mate
daunting. Meeting eligible people can be difficult. As David, an
accountant, says, “I live in the country, am self-employed and don’t
go to bars — I just don’t meet women.”
Like many people, David realized that if he was going to
find a life partner, not only did he need to actively search for her,
but he required help to do it. He started by surveying the options: put
an ad in the companions section of magazines such as good
times or a newspaper, or respond to one, register with an
introduction service or use one of the many meet- your- mate services on
the Internet.
David decided to put an ad in a national newspaper. There
are two ways of doing this. Some newspapers, like the Saturday Globe
and Mail, have a cross-Canada companions section that lets you
compose as many of your own words as yow interest and finances permit.
If you are good at writing, you can create an ad that gives a flavor of
who you are anti what you are looking for. Once your ad is written and
sent in, you are given a box number for interested people to send their
responses — for the price of a postage stamp.
VOICE
PERSONALS
The
other newspaper method is the Voice Personals page. To place an ad, you
call the 800 number and answer a series of computerized questions. Your
responses are used to formulate an ad for the newspaper, as well as the
taped response people will hear when they call. The disadvantage here is
that one ad reads much the same as the next, and respondents who
want to find out more about you have to pay a fee. If, however, someone
is interested, this system has the benefit of allowing a respondent to
hear your voice and listen to how you phrase things. If you want to find
out about anyone, you also have to pay.
Of these two options, David decided to write his own ad. Shortly
after it appeared, he received more than 50 replies. “I got everything
from a woman scrawling her name and phone number on a scrap of paper to
a four-page closely typed letter.” After sorting through them, he
responded to about half, ended up meeting 15, and dated 4.
“All in all,” says David, “it
was a very good experience. The quality of people was great. I made some
good friends and I’m glad I did it. “How
did
putting an ad in the paper compare with the other options? In terms of
cost, he spent over $300, or
about S6 per response. This is much cheaper than the per-person rate for
replying to one of the ads in the Voice Personals, and also less
expensive than what an introduction service would have cost. Had David
signed up for one of the many meet-your-mate services on the Internet,
his cost would have been even lower. |
ON-LINE
LISTINGS
Most
Internet services do not charge a fee by a listing or for browsing their
profiles, but do charge for contacts you initiate. Webpersonals.com
charges about $15 for 50 “credits”; each initiated contact costs 3
credits. Online services have many advantages. First of all, most
of’ them use photographs as well as biographies, and this allows you
to be more selective before initiating contact. Second, the system can
sort through its lists and give you the names of people within certain
criteria (e.g. men between the ages of 35 and 60 who live in the 613
telephone area code).
Some of these dating services have other features as well,
such as chat lines, newsletters and dating advice, so there is lots to
be had for a small investment. Also, most services allow you to
correspond via their site; some have built-in options to protect your
anonymity. And Internet sites have high volumes of traffic.
Oneandonly.com
boasts over 250,000 ads and about 88,000 responses in a given week.
Critics of online services, however, say that many of the users are not
very serious about meeting a partner. So even though it can be fun to
send and receive lots of e-mail, it is not likely to find you a life
mate. And if this is your top priority, you might find an introduction
service to be better value.
INTRODUCTION
SERVICES
Linda
Pauls, owner of Misty River Introductions, has over 5.000
clients throughout Ontario. She claims that her clients usually find
partners within the first three tries. “People who use our service
are highly motivated, especially people over 50, which make up our
second biggest category. People in the second half of life want someone
special to enjoy what life has to offer. Given their motivation and the
fact that I have sorted through all the possibilities, by the time I
introduce two people, the odds of a good match are really good.”
Sheila
found her partner through Misty River Introductions on the first try.
“I’d been on my own for about three years and I was lonely. Being
retired, I had a lot of time on my hands.
Now I have someone to travel and do things with — I’m happier than
I’ve ever been.”
Stan, a dentist from Winnipeg, who uses a different
introduction service, has not been so lucky. Although he has had dates
with about 10 women over the year and a half since he signed up, he has
not met anyone he wanted to go out with beyond six months. “I don’t
mind.” he says. “I’m meeting some wonderful people.” Stan has
tried several approaches, but says he likes using an introduction
services |
best because, “they do the leg work for you.”
Like Linda and other owners of quality introduction
services, Rick Adland of That Special Someone, meets everyone who
applies. He says it helps him to get to know his clients better and make
better matches. That Special Someone, which caters to people over 50 who
live in Or near Toronto, is a companion service and not a dating
service. “It’s easy to find someone you can go out with, but harder
to find that special someone you can really talk to. Finding the right
person can take time.” Rick has matched
300 people since beginning his company in 1991.
Although his specialized service for seniors is the only
one of its kind in Canada, a quick browse through the phone book or the
Internet will produce dating or introduction services for a variety of
religions, ethnic groups, education/professional orientations, even
body size Sizable Encounters is for people “visibly overweight and
their admirers”).
Another way to
meet people is to join organizations that put meeting people and
activities, such a walking or dining, together. The Single Gourmet is an
example of the latter. Your local newspaper may list the ones available
in-your area.
Regardless of the advantages and disadvantages of the
various approaches, all of them provide excellent opportunities to cast
your net a little wider than you might otherwise. “It’s important
to be discriminating,” says Lianne of Camelot Introductions. “When
someone is living alone, it’s tempting to take the first bus that comes along,
but we encourage our clients to take their time and hold out for what
they want. After all, you are going to spend a lot of time with
this person; you want to make sure you pick the right one.”
And, even though some of these services can speed things
up, it is important to remember that the “right one” can arrive at
your doorstep at any time from anywhere. Joan Gattuso, author of the
book A course In Love heard
about the man she later married while she was being measured for a
weight loss program. Dorothy South, from British Columbia, married the
man she was in love with as a teenager. In Dorothy’s case, life took
her and the boy she first loved in different direc~ tions. It was not
until almost 60 years later that they met again at a reunion and
realized they still loved each other. Dorothy’s nickname for her
husband is”R.B.” —“reclaimed beau:’
A generation ago, families tended to stay in one place. As
people aged, they had their children and grandchildren around them.
Now, however, more people 50 and older are finding themselves living
without the day-to-day contact of their loved ones. This generation of
older people knows how vital it is to take care of their social and
emotional needs.
As Linda Pauls says, “Having a
mate is an important part of enjoying life. The number of
meet-your-mate services demonstrates that. So I encourage people to go
for it. Life is too short not to be happy.”
Montreal Gazette
(3/18/06)
Montreal Gazette (2/5/07)
Archives
|
