The Spark Delusion: Why Modern Dating is Leaving You Lonely
Many clients come to me and say they really need to find someone they have an instant spark or strong chemistry with. That initial feeling is exciting, but chasing that feeling is a delusion that often leaves people lonely in the long run. A spark alone is simply not enough to build a real future together. The problem is that sparks eventually burn out. If you don’t have a solid foundation underneath that feeling, the relationship will not last. You truly need to align with a partner on the practical things like education, socio-economic background, and your current stage of life. What you want is someone you can happily spend the rest of your life with. A professional matchmaker can help you look past the surface and find that deeper compatibility.
Having an endless stream of options on your phone can actually backfire on your happiness and deepen that sense of loneliness. People often think that more choice is a good thing and that getting more matches will help them find the right person. In fact, studies show that the more choices a person has, the less satisfied they are with the decision they finally make. It quickly becomes overwhelming and emotionally exhausting. A matchmaker solves this problem by narrowing down the options for you so you do not waste hours of your time on apps or online services. We make sure your matches fit your specific criteria, your type, and your life stage. We put it all together and do the pre-vetting for you. All you have to do is check in with us on a weekly basis, and we find someone who is going to be the right fit.
Once you move past the delusion of the instant spark, find a good connection, and go out on a few successful dates, you will eventually face the conversation about becoming exclusive. This is one of the hardest conversations for people to have, but it is absolutely necessary to escape the lonely cycle of casual dating. You need to have the confidence to stand up for yourself and state your needs clearly. Sometimes a person might just be a date or two away from being ready to commit, so you can give them a little bit of latitude at first. However, if they are still not willing to be exclusive with you, then they are simply not the right person for you. You should value yourself enough to move on to someone who is ready. When you share that level of intimacy with someone, they owe you the same respect, gratitude, and commitment you are giving them. Your relationship goals deserve to be taken seriously.
