What Should You Talk About on a Date? Here's a Simple Tip That Works

First dates can be exciting- but they can also feel a little intimidating. Whether you’re dating for the first time in years or just starting out, one of the most common questions we hear at Misty River Introductions is: “What should I talk about on a date?”

It’s a great question, and the answer isn’t about memorizing clever lines or rehearsing small talk. The most powerful conversations come from something a little deeper: emotional connection.

A Real Example from a Coaching Session

Recently, I worked with a young woman in her 20s who had just joined our service. She was smart, successful, and new to dating. Her concern was simple but common: “What do I talk about? I’m nervous and don’t want it to feel awkward.”

She had just been matched with a fantastic young man. He played multiple instruments, surfed, spoke three languages, and had travelled the world. He had no shortage of life experiences—but how was she supposed to connect with him? I suggested she begin by asking him about the things he was clearly passionate about.

Why? Because when people talk about what they love, something powerful happens: they not only share their interests—they share how those things make them feel. And that’s where real connection begins.

The Role of Transference in Dating

In psychology, transference refers to the way emotions can be unconsciously redirected from one situation or person to another. While the term is often used in therapy, it shows up in dating, too—especially during those early conversations.

When someone talks about something they truly love—like painting, travelling, or playing guitar—they’re often reliving the emotions connected to that experience. Excitement, joy, pride, peace. And here’s the key: Those emotions can transfer to you.

This emotional energy builds warmth and connection. It makes the conversation memorable and creates a sense of closeness, even between two people who are just getting to know each other.

How to Use This on a First Date

You don’t need to be an expert conversationalist to create a meaningful exchange. You just need to approach your date with curiosity and a desire to understand what brings them to life. Here’s a simple way to do that:

• Read Their Profile Carefully
  Look for anything that suggests passion—travel, music, volunteering, hobbies, or even career paths.

• Pick Out Two or Three Topics to Explore
  Choose the ones that feel most personal or emotionally rich. Or, ones that interest you too, so you can connect over shared interests!

• Ask Open-Ended, Emotion-Focused Questions
  “What’s a place you visited that was memorable?” “What do you love most about playing music?”

These questions invite storytelling and emotion. They help your date share not just facts, but feelings, and that’s what makes a first date memorable.

This Works at Any Age or Stage of Life

This approach isn’t limited to people in their 20s or 30s. Whether you’re dating in midlife or your later years, people still want to be seen, heard, and emotionally understood. Asking someone about what they care deeply about and engaged listening creates emotional intimacy. It shows that you’re not just trying to pass the time; you’re genuinely interested in who they are. And in a world of surface-level dating, that kind of sincerity stands out.

Ready for a Different Kind of Dating Experience?

At Misty River Introductions, we match people based on compatibility, shared values, and relationship goals—but also help you build the skills and confidence to connect on a deeper level.

If you're ready to meet someone truly compatible, with support and guidance at every step, we’re here to help.